Dilemma.

A free mind is a devil's workshop.
That is rightly said. No matter how much you try not to think of all the wrong possibilites, you end up thinking more and more about them. In the end you fill up your mind with endless confusion.

What do i want of you?
Correction there. What do i want of myself?
Yes, thank you very much, that's right.

Happiness. Life. Love.
Simple answer. However, where to find all of this?
Once upon a time writing made me run away into a world of imagination of a picture perfect world. Then painting came along, coloring my world of fantasy with colors of belief that one day this is how it'll all turn out to be. If someone tried to ruin this safe place that i had built in my head, i took out my emotions through another best friend of mine. Tennis. But now, when i need to escape back into the illusion, where is all of this?
Actually, its all there. But none of it gives me that feeling anymore. Watching Roland garros, its like im forcing myself to smile, to get all excited.
Have i changed? Change is complimentary to this fast selfish running time. But change brings about new things. New friends. New ways to escape. We move on in life to something better. But that's far from even being questionable in my case.

No imagination. No inspiration.
I feel dead in my thoughts. Everything is empty. Its like i have suppressed any kind of expectations from the world, and i guess in turn there's nothing expected of me. Is expecting a bad thing? Some say it is. Then why is it all affecting me in the opposite way?

When life gives you lemons, you accept it and try moving forward, coz life has its own way of proving every time how big a bitch it is.

So many questions, yet no answers.