Who are we, really?

Sometimes I'm forced to wonder the nature I abide, the face I show to the world, the words I speak out loud and the thoughts I proclaim reflect my soul, are real or influenced by the magnetism that temporarily attracts me. 

Cool girl, a commonly used phrase, I think is a definition of an ideal girl, one we all strive to be and one that every guy tries to impress. But I wonder, if I'm anywhere close to that, why do I see the flip side girls having a much more fulfilling bond with the others? Not that I don't have what I wanted, I just feel a little let down when I tend to think how my attitude has shifted over time like a pendulum from one failed relationship to another, reflecting the kind of person that would literally chop off the wings of their freedom to one that forced them to flap their wings and fly away to fulfil their dreams. 

Nag nag nag. 

Is nagging somewhere acceptable, especially to someone who could almost cage you in a room embodied of his existence to shield you from any source that could snatch you away from him? If that's so not who I was, then why today when I hear about such hypocrisy I see a nagging soul engulfed in her idea of insecurities ruling his bubble world? 

If that was a bad example, let me go another page back when the pendulum was on another side. 

If being okay, was not okay but you wanted to look okay even when that other person used your carefree attitude to the wrong limits, a certain sense of insecurity that crept in seemed genuine, I suppose? 

If today I reflect back to these two opposite roles I played, I wonder how the play turned out to be. Clearly, these weren't a true picture of who I really am, or was it? Is it really possible to possess opposite traits within oneself, whatever disposition they might create? 

If it's true that life is a play and we are basically playing a different rule to suit our current whims and fancies, then it can be correctly said that we are the actors of our fate. But how can karma come into play, when we are well equipped to switch from one face to another, masking our innermost thoughts in the most beautiful way, to panoply a changed version of ourselves to the next victim of our twisted revelations. 

In this game we play, do you think we lose ourselves, unable to chalk out the path of destiny we embarked on and our notions of the real us? 

A mad man's world.

Darling, did someone warn you that it was a mad man's world? 

When you hopped around in that pretty little dress bubbling with ideas and gleaming at the thought of making it big one day, did you expect what's it going to be like? 

When you invited a bunch of frolicking lads you solemly swore to your protected little toy, were the true meaning of friendship, to join in over a game of tea party, or when you blew off the candle which exclaimed to be marked as "four", would one day itch in the name of competition on the other side of the door? 

When you turned you back, as everyone passed the box of parcel until the music hymned, 

Did it ever occur to you, how everyone shrugged it forward, just like responsibility as the time trimmed? 

When you saw your father all suited up, ready to face the bright sunny day, 

The smile hid the reality of people's intentions and dirty office ways,

Yet with age, you let yourself get engulfed  in this mad man's world so ugly, 

Diseased with the syndrome to make it big somehow, in what field you still haven't chalked out even roughly? 

Tiptoeing your way through today, you watch a zillion people cross your path , pushing, snatching or staring in oblivion, this mind races to the possibilities of an end or a new start

You murmur to yourself, in amaze and wonder, 

Will I just be another swan in the lot, choosing the wrong field and making a blunder? 

I hope you find the right direction soon which truly makes me happy, 

Because darling it's a mad man's world so snappy! 

Elicitation from the past.

Picturesque locations.

Heartfelt confessions.

Long pending apology, which never came.

When will I see you again?

In a moment I felt reckless, selfish, complete yet solitude.

In a second I was thrown into a trance, with my life turning into a platitude.

Thinking about you after all this time I see myself drowning into thoughts obstreperously.

Was I anything more than simple display of a few months of ostentatiously?

Will I ever see you again? 

Each present Polaroid of yours gleams in ecstasy 

Forget about the distance, you two glimmer like connoisseur of fantasy.

To that believe you me I appreciate you ironically. 

Meet me by the roadside, tell me how I don't matter.

Untangle my twisted theories, and memories that clatter.

Tell me how I'm a stranger and our paths collided by "mistake"

And from this nightmare I shall awake.. 

If we ever meet again. :)