A little time...

We’re here, staring at the clear blue sky, wondering if this is what it is. The view is serene and pure as crystal. Suddenly a feeling runs down our souls, it’s like venom spreading slowly and steadily, marking its presence. As if the devil has shown its existence finally inside us, inflicting pain, tears and jealously. So many emotions, can one really handle it all? Why can’t we be as sorted as the sky is? Know what to do at which moment, choose the option which is the best for us and well make everything simple.  How we wish life could be that easy, predictable and planned. Excitement and adrenaline can be exercised in any other form, but for us, we just wish it was all decided in form of a book, one which we could read and understand like the back of our hands. 

You say you need time. Even when you don’t say it, I can feel the same. You owe yourself this much. Yet you pretend you’re as clear as the sky to make all decisions for us, and start a new book from the scratch with new chapters and developments. But are you actually so sorted yet? Isn’t it too early to think of starting all over again? What about the book you continued writing for so long, the one which was so dear to you that you gave up almost everything for it? Is it justified to leave all that work and determination in the jest of finding something new? If it is inspiration that you desire to complete that final piece, then my friend, I’m always there to guide you through all those roads which can give you that perfect ending. But defying the reality and moving on to write something you’re not even ready for yet is just ruining yourself to an all new level. Maybe it seems the best option, or the only one you have… not exactly, there is one option that you buried somewhere you don’t ever want to reach out to.. an option to not write for awhile.  No, you’re not selling your soul, neither are you inviting darkness to take over. You’re just making life simple and easy.  If you’re afraid you’ll lose me, then that’s where the mistake lies in interpreting everything, especially me. If I’m your inspiration then I’ll make sure I stay here always, no matter how much it takes out of me.

So take your time, close your eyes

I will be here with you

They may be right I may be foolish

But I will wait for you…

Complete your story, and I’ll hope you succeed to write series to the same, and it doesn’t change from its path ever, because this is the story for you, the one you should never give up on. As for me, I would hope to be mentioned somewhere along the lines of the majestic words you spin in it.

We all have a story, a novel which belongs to us. Maybe I haven’t found it yet, and someday when I do, it will be real. Till then I cannot pretend to have got what I wanted, no matter how beautiful this illusion is. At the end of the day, when reality kicks in, this shall not suffice.  I might be wrong, but in your wish to write all over again, I’m nothing but your expectation of how you hoped your unfinished book should have turned out to be. But sometimes we need to realize and make a choice as to we want to achieve a certain something we never could find from our past, or change our present to suit the past needs. If past is what we’re living in still, then there is no a timeline to differentiate what the past was and present is.  If that is where you really belong, then nothing in the universe can change it.

Just do me a favor in this soul searching, to give me that little piece of truth of what we really are. If I am anything, if not something to you, then think about it once again. Am I only an inspiration or a substitute? Or an excuse to escape from the reality you still don’t have the power to face? 

Realizations.

And if you were here, I could deceive you
And if you were here, you would believe
And would you suspect my emotions wanderin'? Yeah Do not wanna part to this anymore

The rainwater drips through the cracks in the ceilin' And I'll have to spend my time on repair
And just like the rain, I'll be always fallin', yeah
Only to rise and fall again...

Life and its ways. We smile at one moment, cry the next. Fight and hurt the people we care most about and eventually realize a special feeling for that one extraordinary person. To the world, she might be just another girl, around the corner. But you don't realize when she appears out of these thin clouds of disparity and takes your whole world by storm. What is this unexplained desire to be near her all the time? To catch her everytime she'd fall? Is it that complicated word which in itself is considered the most pure and divine? Or is it just conformity? She might be just a habit. A way out to uncomplicate life happenings. But how do you know?

Its that one word, yes, we all think we've experienced or are experiencing it...but actually the truth is different from what it seems to be. Love. A word considered most pure and divine. Then what is friendship? Sorry to break it to you, but its friendship which is the most uncomplicated, unharmed and true. Lets just call love trivial. All it causes is lies, hurt, unhappiness. Its that cruel weapon which consumes you in a frenzy from which it is impossible to break free. To love someone is easy and almost instant. But to find someone who loves you is sometimes the hardest task.

"I'm just another girl. Standing infront of a guy. Wanting to be loved..."

What's the faintest of possibility is to find someone you love who loves you back. Very few lucky people who love someone and are loved in return, disregard this fortune, for what reasons, i wish I'd know. They may regret their decisions one day, but till then the damage is done. The hurt find shelter to let out their emotions to another identity, a stranger i may call, to the heart. This stranger turns into the source of happiness. Smile. A new start.
That stranger becomes your best friend, or was all this time, you don't know. All you know is, that you need her. She's your only getaway. But what if in this whole process to rediscover your inner self, makes her fall for you? Yes, its a great feeling to be loved, but what about her? Is it fair, to pretend and fake a smile just to not let her happiness fade away? Its care, a lot of it. But that's it.
Love happens once. We can try convincing ourselves that we can be in and out of it, but the reality is that we're deceiving ourselves and those we care about. Its the most difficult task, but to have stability and happiness back in your life, you must draw a conclusive line between being in love with someone and the idea of loving someone. Its easier said than done. The fact remains that the mind plays games with you. Convincing you that she's the one. But deep down inside, you know its always been someone else, and it'll stay the same forever. Then why ruin things further by listening to your mind boggling thoughts and not your wise heart and feelings?

Just follow your heart, and be with that one person who matters the most. Nothing else can then ever come in your way. Don't search for love. Let it find you. 'Cause when it happens, it'll be real, and that's when you'll know your life is complete. Time, is what heals a broken heart, not new people or the false hope that its someone else who you can be with, is the one. Preach the idea that in all this confusion and soul searching, the one holding your hand and shielding you from all the wrong possibilities is the one you can make happy, and not the idea that being with her will make you happy. 'Cause the best answer to this complicated phase is to be loved by someone who loves you rather than someone you love, who doesn't care. :)